I had to endure a lot of football this past weekend. Between the Thanksgiving NFL games and college rivalry week, it seems like our TV (and my ears) never had a break. And while I like to watch a few games featuring teams I care about — better luck next year Bruins — I get a little loopy after four solid days of football in the house.
But this year’s football overload had a bright side. I think I’ve found my million-dollar idea.
Picture this: the kids start bickering and I tell them to stop. They don’t. So I (maybe just a little) yell at them to stop. They ignore me. I get mad enough to throw something. Something like a yellow flag. A penalty flag. A mom penalty flag.
If only I had a whistle: tweeeeeeeet.
Announcer: we have a flag on the play, let’s see what mom has to say.
Holding. On the offense. Let your sister out of that headlock and go to your room.
How great would it be to have a pocket full of yellow flags to toss in the direction of a ruckus and resolve problems quickly? Kids, take note — here are just a few of the potential penalties:
False Start: saying you’re ready to go, but when it’s time to get in the car, you suddenly need a snack and a jacket and a trip to the bathroom—to poop.
Pass Interference: refusing to go to bed, thereby denying your parents some alone time.
Personal Foul: causing the air around you to smell with your sweaty sneakers, lack of deodorant and/or bodily functions.
Delay of Game: doing anything – absolutely anything – instead of homework.
Offside: standing outside the locked bathroom door and asking mom to help you find your library book.
Encroachment: looking at our sectional sofa that seats eight and deciding that the best place to flop down is exactly two inches away from the only other person sitting on the couch.
For now, I just call penalties with an arched eyebrow and a stern declaration: unsportsmanlike conduct, loss of possession. Hand the remote to your brother. But I really think the flags would add a nice flair to managing the family team. What do you say? Kickstarter worthy?